Cancerversary

Cancerversary. Who knew it was a thing? But it is. And I have one. This week. I’ve now lived more years post cancer than pre. I was practically a newlywed when I was diagnosed. This year I will celebrate my 30^th wedding anniversary. My two children were but gleams in my eyes. Today they are each pursuing graduate degrees. My hair was dark and shiny then. Today it still is. (Well, only my hairdresser knows for sure.) As anyone who has ever received a life altering diagnosis knows, the moment is forever etched into memory, as clear and unforgettable as the JFK assassination or September 11^th. In my particular case, surgery was required following blood transfusions (in the months before the blood supply was screened for AIDS) .The days and weeks following surgery were filled with recuperation and decision making. As my most learned friend put it, choosing a post-surgical treatment was like me deciding what type of jet engine Boeing should use on its newest plane. Three well respected oncologists recommended three vastly different approaches. There just weren’t too many cases of a young woman with Stage II colon cancer. 28 years later, I feel safe to say that my decision was appropriate. I am diligent about undergoing follow-up colonoscopies every 4 to 5 years. Everyone over the age of 50 should have one. People with a family history, including my children, need to be screened earlier. Since colon cancer almost always begins as a benign  polyp, the procedure itself can be lifesaving. The dreaded preparation is certainly the worst part. So be thankful for Miralax and propofol and get yourself screened. Now, back to my commemoration /celebration. How should I spend the day? Mah Jongg with the girls? Spa day? Dinner with my family? All of the above sound like affirmation  to me.

It Was A Very Good Year

As another year draws to an end and the promise of a new year is on the horizon, I’d like to take a moment to thank you all for being a part of my life. 2012 wasn’t a year of milestone events, but rather a year filled with moments that collectively created memories that I cherish.  

Four mornings each week I can count on walking the trails with you. We spend the hour sharing, learning and laughing. Once a month, as I’ve done for the last fourteen years, I spend a couple of hours with you discussing our selected book. We’ve read some strange tales, yet our discussions are always enlightening. I may never get rich playing mah jongg, yet my wealth is increased by the camaraderie and conversation in between every crack, bam and dot. Birthday lunches and dinners give me a chance to catch up, drink good wine, toast each other and laugh at the wide ranging topics of conversation. I’ve spent weekends with you at the beach and in the desert. I’ve attended plays, concert and movies with you. I have served on boards, raised funds and volunteered in the community with you. Happy occasions we’ve shared have brought joy and laughter. The too many times we’ve gathered together to say goodbye have brought tears. Holidays filled with family, friends and traditions make the cooking and cleanup worthwhile. (well almost) I have shared countless cups of coffee, texts and phone calls discussing Emily and Jef, Don Draper, Carrie and Brody and Harvey Specter. I’ve “liked” and been “liked” by you on Facebook. I’ve cheered for my teams with you (sometimes in enemy territory). You’ve dragged me back to the gym and I suppose I should thank you for that too.
You’ve taught me and strengthened me. You’ve encouraged me and inspired me. You, my friends and family, have enriched my days with love. I look ahead to 2013, dreaming big, and with the full knowledge that I am truly blessed.

 

What a Wonderful World

This week we celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving. I believe it's fair to say that most adults would say that Thanksgiving is their favorite holiday. What's not to like? There's football, parades, crisp fall weather, delicious traditional foods, family, friends and no gifts required. The holiday gives us an opportunity to pause and reflect on our gratitude for the blessings in our lives. Preparing the meal for a crowd can be a challenge. Shopping and cleaning can be tiring. But we can flip the annoyances into blessings of their own. I'll start my list.

1. I am thankful for the opportunity to cook the holiday dinner because it means I have family and
    friends who will join me at the table.
2. I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by
    loved ones.
3. I am thankful if my clothes are snug after a meal because it means I have had enough to eat.
4. I am thankful for the rooms that need cleaning and the lawn that needs tending because it means
    I have a home and garden.
5. I am thankful for the smile lines and crows feet on my face because it means I've laughed
    and lived in the beautiful warm sunshine.
6. I am thankful for (some) of the political rhetoric because it means I live in a country with freedom 
    of speech.
7. I am thankful for the loads of laundry because it means I have clothes to wear.
8. I am thankful for the sore muscles after exercising because it means I am healthy and strong.
9. I am thankful for the alarm that sounds early every morning because it means I am alive.

I would like to share my most precious holiday recipe- Pumpkin Bread. The recipe was given to my mother some 45 years ago. Long before pumpkin became trendy, this was a family favorite. It's been gifted to countless friends, teachers, service workers and  kids away at college. I hope you will enjoy it as much as my family has.

Claudia's Pumpkin Bread

 

      3 1/3 cups flour

      2 tsp. baking soda

      1 tsp. salt

      1 tsp. cinnamon

      1/2 tsp. ginger

      1/4 tsp. ground cloves

      3 cups sugar

      1 cup canola oil

      4 eggs

      2/3 cup water

      15 oz. canned pumpkin

 

  In a large bowl mix all the ingredients. Pour into oiled and floured pans. Bake at 350 degrees,

approximately 50 minutes, until browned and center tests clean.

Makes 2 regular loaves or 5 mini loaves ( perfect for gifting!)

 

The Empty Nesters wish you and yours a beautiful and delicious holiday.

 

   



Sexual Healing

Male Sexuality- it’s a mystery to many women. Quoting Elaine Benes from Seinfeld in the famous “shrinkage” episode, “ I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”  Jokes are widely circulated about how men are really very simple creatures, especially when compared to women. For the most part, the adages seem true. In the bedroom men are ready to go with nothing more than the flip of a switch. We women take a lot longer to transition from mom to wife, from homemaker to lover. We need courtship and romance (read foreplay), they just need us to show up. But are men really so easy? Virility so defines a man- at least that’s what literature and movies lead us to believe. Yet as the vast number of Baby Boomers age, changes in sexuality can be expected. While few men would publicly admit to using medication to help with erectile dysfunction, the sales of such drugs are astronomical. Commercials for the wonder pills populate our television shows. Call me unspontaneous and unadventurous, but the outdoor bathtub with no plumbing does not do it for me. And the garden hose metaphor isn’t so subtle either. Women tend to talk with their doctors and girlfriends about the changes that come with menopause. Are the problems men face something new or are men more comfortable talking about them? Does the stress and anxiety of modern society play a factor? With long term relationships, the heart is really the ruler, not the male organ. As the fires of passion diminish and the novelty of sex becomes routine, it is our emotions that guide the course of sexuality. Anger and resentment can kill desire. Love, affection, communication and commitment are key to maintaining a healthy relationship, both in and out of the bedroom.

Dream a Little Dream

We dream. Daydreams, dreams at night, sometimes frightening, sometimes revealing and sometimes inspiring. Our dreams can manifest themselves into our goals. As young girls we dream of our careers and our weddings. As young mothers we dream about our children. We envision our hopes and goals for them. Perhaps there is too much planning on our parts. We may lose sight of our own dreams while raising our families. One day, all too soon,   our kids become adults. They leave home in pursuit of their dreams and passions and- boom- we are forced to reexamine our lives. When did we stop dreaming? If we have planned well and have been fortunate, the Empty Nest stage can be the perfect time to dream anew. With our offspring on the road to financial independence, we have more disposable income and time to devote to our passions. Clarifying our dreams and goals may not be so easy. Doubts may creep into our thinking. A Dream Coach may be just what an Empty Nester needs. Marcia Wieder, founder and CEO of Dream University www.dreamuniversity.com , explains, “You have to know what you love and want before you can get it.” She believes that second half of life dreams have the potential to be the most profound. As the author of fourteen books about making dreams come true, she leads workshops  www.DreamTicketGiveaway.com  to help us simplify the process of defining our visions and clearing the way to take action. Her advice is to go on a personal “passion quest” to explore who we are and what matters most to us- what inspires us and what no longer serves us. She uses three simple words that are deep with meaning- be Clear, Believe in yourself and take Action.  According to Dr. Mehmet Oz,it has been proven that people with passion and dreams live longer and more fulfilled lives. That alone should inspire us to use our life experience to make our good lives even better.

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing: March Madness Edition

I was raised on a steady diet of college basketball. More specifically, UCLA Bruin Basketball.  No big stretch- my parents met over 60 years ago while my mother was a student at UCLA. It was easy being a fan in the John Wooden years- 10 National Championships, long undefeated streaks, a roster of future NBA Hall of Famers. Coach Wooden retired in 1975, ostensibly when Bill Walton graduated. Since I graduated from High School the same year, I suspect that was the real reason.  New chapter for me and for the Bruins.  Fast forward a few decades and I’ve rekindled a passion for the madness that March brings. I’m not alone. NCAA Men's Basketball Championship is big business. Really big business.  Millions of viewers watch the televised coverage as well as the mobile internet feeds. Productivity goes down and doctors have noticed an uptick in the number of vasectomies performed as men figure recuperation in front of the TV isn’t such a bad thing. As the regular basketball season winds down I find myself listening to sports shows and reading the blogs to get some insight into the teams that will play in the Big Dance. This year was especially tough as my home division, The Pacific 12, was barely represented. I diligently fill in my brackets, trying to use both my head and heart. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that my Golden Retriever could do just as well. I got real lucky back in 2008. It was the only time in Tournament history that all four # 1 seeds reached the Final Four. Had I known that, I never would have picked those teams. Ignorance can be bliss- or maybe my dog whispered the picks to me. A lucky Cinderella pick can be helpful too. Michigan State was my sleeper 2009. I remember in 2006 reading about someone who picked 11^th seed George Mason to go the Final Four. Why? He thought it was Georgetown. Lucky guy.  Last year my brackets were busted early in the tournament. So far this year, going into the Sweet 16, I’m doing pretty well. I’m in the 87^th percentile of my pool.  The chances of anyone having a perfect bracket are way less than infinitesimal. ESPN reports that of the over 6 million brackets filed, not one was perfect after just the 2^nd day. As I write, we’re just a couple of minutes away from tipoff in the 2^nd weekend of play. Fortunately I have a team in each of the games keeping the madness alive.

CB

It is Oscar Time Again!

The Empty Nesters made their annual pilgrimage to the Hollywood and Highland complex to view preparations for Sunday evening’s Academy Awards.  We strolled the red carpet just like the stars will…ok, minus a fabulous designer gown, fancy hair, make up, 6 inch heels and the media watching our every move!

Living in Los Angeles, known as a “company town,” is always a kick during awards season.  Roads are closed, traffic is diverted, and limousines and celebrities are everywhere.  Go to a Starbucks in Beverly Hills or Brentwood around Oscar time and you are sure to see someone famous.  One of our children got to see a very very pregnant A lister and her adorable daughter having a casual lunch at a local hangout while the empty nesters were faux strolling the red carpet!  Life in lala land.

It is a far cry from life anywhere else, especially Long Island, NY where Jill grew up.  Unlike now with the Oscars at the end of February, back in the day the show was in mid April.  Instead of starting at 5:30 PM PT (8:30 ET) it was at 7PM PT (10 ET). Since it was a school night, deals had to be made to stay awake during the interminably long show that ended waaay after bed time!  There was no pre show or pre pre show with insipid questions and even more bland answers.  And seeing celebrities at Starbucks was unheard of…come to think of it, Starbucks was unheard of.

While this year’s awards don’t seem to be generating the excitement of  past years, we can tell you that it is fun to imagine yourself strolling alongside Brangelina, George and Stacy, Jean  Dujardin and Uggie, wonder if Woody will attend and ponder what schtick Billy Crystal will create as host.   With the Golden Globes, SAG awards, BAFTAs already presented, we may think we know the winners but there are always surprises.  Did we say we are looking forward to the close ups of Brad and George in the audience?

Watch the Oscars on Sunday night at 5:30 PT on ABC and listen to the empty nesters every Wednesday at 11AM LIVE or in the archives anytime on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters.